We're back with our final recap for Act II. Make sure to catch up before the finale airing tomorrow and if you need a quick refresher, check out Part I of our Act II recap here.
Episode 21 - The Exorcism of Lola Perry
With the Dean slumped unconscious on the floor, Carmilla takes a moment to yell at LaF and remind everyone that Team Library is dead the moment the Dean wakes up.
Apparently while Hollstein was upgrading their relationship status, LaF snuck into the pit, watched the Dean break the seal, hit her with a high voltage stun gun, used elephant tranquilizer on Danny and some Corvae goons, and the hiked back to the library with the Dean in hand.
As crazy as that plan was, I’m actually a little impressed they pulled it off.
Since they can’t mail her to Siberia, Laura figures that they might as well just go with it and make the circle. After all, this is what’s happened and dwelling on it isn’t going to fix anything. What else are they going to do anyway?
Carmilla has a suggestion: kill her.
Neither Laura or LaF are on board with this idea.
An increasingly desperate Carmilla begs them to at least get the Dean out of the library. Throw her into the volcano. Feed her to the space whale. Our broody vampire will take anything.
But Laura wants to save Perry.
So Carmilla stomps out, almost resigned to the fact that none of them are going to live to regret it. She doesn’t kill Perry though. Look who’s being a team player. LaF, take notes because going Han Solo wasn’t cool here. Very ancient Sumerian of you but not cool.
LaF and Laura set about creating the circle. As long as no-one breaks it then the circle should hold the Dean while they perform the exorcism. As the ritual must be performed at midnight exactly, LaF takes the first shift while they wait for the correct time.
Cue the most heartbreaking speech we’ve gotten from LaF. The usually blunt and science-focused LaF actually sits down and gives us feelings wrapped in a promise.
Speaking to Perry’s unconscious body, they sit silently and just stare at her. Then they start talking, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry that i got so caught up in my stuff that I didn’t see what was happening to you… I know there’s this thing in your head telling you that you’re small… Don’t listen to it... because you’re not small. You’re the biggest thing in my world. I’m getting you back.”
I’m not crying. You’re crying.
There’s no time for crying though because when midnight hits, the Dean wakes up and it’s time for Exorcism 101. Whatever changes our group made to the circle seems to work because the dean is trapped like a honey badger in a hole. Carmilla looks on while Laura recites the incantation and LaF hits the Dean with holy oil.
The Dean makes a variety of creative threats but Laura and LaF keep going.
Once. Twice. Three times.
The Dean screams and we see something dark and creepy on our screams. When the smoke clears, it’s clearly Perry speaking. Her pitch much higher than the one the Dean has been using after she dropped the Lola Perry facade. She asks LaF for help and just before LaF can run to her, Carmilla stops them. Despite the objections from LaF and Laura, Carmilla reminds them that if it’s really Perry than she can step out of the circle on her own. The circle only stops the dean.
Nice to see someone is still using their head. LaF’s face falls as Perry doesn’t move.
Carmilla gets the last word, “Nice try, mother,” and all trace of Perry dissolves from the Dean’s expression. The score stands as:
Exorcism skills for Laura and LaF: 0/10
The Dean’s acting skills: 8/10
Carmilla’s detective game: 9/10
Useless vampire Carmilla seems to have the highest marks in the class.
Episode 22 - Fun and Mind Games
The Dean drops the Perry facade completely, carefully rising to her feet and dusting off her clothes with a “Hello, sweetheart,” for Carmilla. Despite the sappy vampire we’ve started getting used to, the mere presence of her mother is enough to turn Carmilla’s sarcasm meter up to 12 as she ‘apologizes’ for not showing the Dean better hospitality.
Regardless, the Dean starts on her mind games right off the bat by baiting LaF when she calls Perry useless and says that being possessed was the most, good that Perry’s ever done. Again, it’s Carmilla who keeps the level head as she stops LaF from charging off and breaking the circle to get at the Dean.
As Carmilla escorts LaF out of the room, Laura stays to ask the most important question - why is the Dean doing any of it? Carmilla returns just in time to say that it would be easier to get straight answers out of a snake.
To which the Dean informs her that snakes just get bad press and are misunderstood.
Okay. Check snakes off as a thing the Dean likes.
Laura presses on and the Dean asks Laura what she even thinks is so wonderful about the world anyway. She’s been around a while and by the Dean’s experience most of it is greed, hypocrisy, and violence. She gives Laura a pointed look and says that even those with the best intentions do more harm than good, reminding Laura that she made all of the Dean’s plans possible.
Please stop picking on tiny Hollis, people!
With the dean baiting Laura like she has a cookie on a hook, Laura accidentally reveals that they have three of the talismans and stops only when Carmilla tells her what she’s done.
Despite the Dean getting in a dig as to Hollstein’s relationship dynamics, Carmilla keeps the sarcasm high and her temper in check. However, they can’t leave the Dean to her own devices so they start watching her in shifts. Which seems exactly what the Dean wants.
We enter a montage where the Dean literally does not stop talking. Despite Carmilla’s instructions to ignore her, we see LaF almost lose their cool until Carmilla puts headphones over their ears while Laura somehow lets the Dean talk her into literally spitting out a cookie.
If the Dean’s rule the world plan fails, she’s got one hell of a career as a motivational speaker.
Exhausted from her day of mind games, we cut to the Dean asleep on the floor with Laura looking equally tired as she continues to watch their captive. Carmilla strides in to remind Laura that everything the Dean says is a lie but Laura isn’t so sure. While the Dean says things in an awful way, she’s not wrong. It is Laura’s fault that she’s free and they lost Vordenberg’s heart.
Just as Laura gets warmed up, Carmilla cuts her off.
Hollstein together? In a dimly library? That’s our cue for more Hollstein heart to hearts.
Carmilla cuts Laura off for the world’s worst inspiring speech. She basically tells Laura that the universe doesn’t care about anything and in the grand scheme of things, nothing means anything.
Laura’s already near-crying, Carm. Let’s not make this worse. Being evil for the better part of three centuries is not an excuse.
Quickly, Carmilla pushes on to her point. If nothing means anything, the only thing that matters is what we make. With a beautiful season 1 reference, Carmilla reminds Laura that Carmilla used to use hopeless as an excuse to be evil until a tiny stubborn cupcake told her that even she deserved better. Carmilla smiles and continues as Laura looks at her like she’s everything, “you are flawed and struggling,” Carmilla says, “and uncertain but it is so beautiful the way you try.”
With tears in her voice all Laura can say is, “to hell with light and casual”.
Just like that ‘friends with benefits’ is eliminated as Laura kisses Carmilla.
But Laura isn’t done there, she keeps her forehead pressed to Carmilla’s and gives a speech of her own. Laura doesn’t care that she’s scared. She doesn’t care that the world is about to end. She doesn’t care that it’s hard because she wants something good to hold onto.
She looks at Carmilla and says, “I love you.”
We’ve waited three seasons for this. Carmilla said it in their break-up and Laura says in what appears to be their getting back together. It’s circular and wonderful and puts the smallest smile on Carmilla’s face before they kiss again. As tales of the lonely Countess wander through our heads, we can’t help but wonder how long Carmilla has waited to hear that.
So they kiss and the shippers die of happiness and feels.
This is Carmilla so the happiness can’t stay long. The Dean rises over the still kissing couple like a vulture straight from hell to ruin all of our shipper dreams. She gives a slow clap to get their attention and, as Hollstein breaks apart, Carmilla echoes every shipper’s thoughts when she says how much she’s going to enjoy killing the Dean.
Before she can actually do it, Mattie poofs back on screen for a little family time.
The Dean looks visibly startled for the first time.
Episode 23 - Family Feud
The Dean gathers herself as she stares at Mattie, immediately identifying Mattie as incorporeal and complimenting her new look. Understandingly, Mattie ignores this to express some anger that her mother killed her to open the first gate despite Mattie’s 1000 years of service.
I find this to be an acceptable complaint.
The Dean brushes her off. Instead, she talks about herself and reminds Mattie that the Dean’s punishment didn’t fit her crime either. In her words, all she wanted was the return of what was hers and she got shoved into a corpse for it. Now the Dean has to live in the human world with terrors like the black plague, the Inquisition, and reality tv.
Apparently the only bright spots in the dean's thousands of years of existence were tiramisu, Rachmaninoff the composer, and honey badger videos on the internet.
Which, frankly, is amazing. New plan: get Inanna a honey badger and she might calm down.
The dean ends with an impassioned speech about her pain for her daughters who suffered but Mattie quick to turn that on her. She reminds the dean that Mattie was there and watched the Dean feed upon, kill, and turn those same daughters.
The Dean give the ‘logical’ excuse that she needed blood sacrifice once the worship wore off.
Naturally. A logical jump.
The pair bicker some more about motive and purpose and when the Dean gets too snippy, Mattie reminds her that Mattie works for Ereshkigal now and that the queen of the underworld is waiting for her in every shadow. Carmilla chooses this moment to stroll back into the room. Again providing the voice of reason, she reminds Mattie not to break the circle as our doubly-dead vampire is getting awfully close to the Dean.
Mattie poofs off leaving just Carmilla and Mommy dearest.
Despite Carmilla’s best efforts so far, the Dean knows how to push every button and asks Carmilla what The Dean has ever done to deserve being cooped up like she is. Carmilla has a list including dead girlfriends, attempted murder, and buried in the coffin.
The Dean admits that she might have been a tad aggressive.
Just a tad.
Yet, in a chilling moment, the Dean reveals that the entire purpose of this cruelty was to teach Carmilla that she belonged to the Dean. Before the Dean, Carmilla was only a scared little Countess murdered at a ball and now she was deadlier than an army. The Dean’s high priestess.
The Dean looks noticeably annoyed when Carmilla says that she’s done with her mother.
She warns Carmilla that love is nothing more than a prelude to crushing loss and asks if Carmilla would really give up her place at Inanna’s side for love?
Yes. The answer is yes.
Plus, a bonus death threat from our favourite vampire. Carmilla, you murderous romantic sap.
It’s Carmilla’s turn to spill the beans, revealing that the talismans are locked up in the special collection. At least this time, the penny drops. Carmilla realizes that the talismans are what her mother has been after the whole time. She’s quick to make the jump that this must mean there’s some other way that they could use the talismans that doesn’t require Vordie’s missing heart.
The Dean almost smiles with pride, telling Carmilla that she’s a quick study when she’s not missing the obvious.
The obvious turns out to be the sudden appearance of Danny, who quickly subdues Carmilla.
The Dean let herself get captured.
Theo walks in after Danny and despite a warning from Carmilla, he’s quick to break the circle and free the Dean.
So Carmilla’s caught, the evil-cavalry is here, and the Dean is free.
As it turns out, Carmilla was right. Bringing the Dean to the library? Bad idea.
Episode 24 - Break On Through
The Dean is quite pleased to be free of her circle. With Carmilla trapped in Danny’s grip, I doubt she’s equally happy about this development. As Carmilla tries to break free of Danny, the Dean is happy to explain that they’ve been feeding JP false information to get the Library Trio to try and capture her.
After all, what better way to find a hidden library than to be invited in.
The Dean sends Theo off to gather the talismans and gives him free rein to ‘kill anyone he finds’.
Carmilla redoubles her efforts to break free and even goes as far as to tell Danny that she’s disappointed in how quickly she went from hero to bad guy after her death. Always quick to jump straight to ‘villain monologuing’, Danny reveals that Carmilla will be playing a starring role when it comes to the sixth seal.
The Dean cuts Danny off but also willing reveals that the only way to open each gate is a sacrifice to give up something the Dean holds dear. Gate six needs a ‘high priestess’.
That’d be Carmilla.
Theo returns with the talismans but can’t seem to track down Laura or LaF.
It’s probably too much to hope that they’re out of reach.
Before their location can be determined, Mattie poofs in, grabs the talismans from Theo, and tosses him into the nearest bookcase. She turns to get the Dean next but before she can start her speech, The Dean blows ‘the dust from the grave of a hanged woman’ on her causing Mattie to involuntarily poof away.
Only for a little while, we’re reassured.
The Dean retrieves the book and in walks Laura Hollis.
Oblivious as always and complaining about the library.
Apparently the appearance of her lady love was all Carmilla needed. Bonus gay power perhaps? Struggling no more, she shouts at Laura to run, breaks free of Danny’s grasp, and kicks the book out of her mother’s hands. Laura catches it.
As Carmilla is forced to deal with Danny, Laura gets stuck facing the Dean. The two grapple for the book while Carmilla and Danny take turns smashing each other into walls. Laura holds her own for a moment until the Dean uses a force-choke straight out of Star Wars to get the upper hand.
That’s got to be cheating.
She leaves Laura grasping at air to try and keep herself from choking to death. She breaks free for a moment but the Dean repeats the choke. In the background, Carmilla is occupied blocking kicks from Danny.
Theo staggers in as Carmilla manages to get Danny on her back for just a moment before getting trapped again.
Laura uses what little air she has left to shout, “Carm”. The Dean continues uses her force-choke and forces Laura to toss the book to Theo. Laura’s on her last breath. Carmilla breaks free of Danny to lunge for the sword of Hastur and save her but the moment her hand touches the blade, Carmilla screams and leaps back.
The Dean releases Laura. Carmilla is huddled, holding her hand. Danny and Theo collect themselves.
The Dean picks up the sword and nothing happens. She’s quick to chastise Carmilla to be careful, explaining that because Carmilla tried to kill a god with the sword, it could easily suck out her soul ‘prematurely’.
Got to save that for the sixth gate. Can’t be wasting your soul, Carm.
When Laura tries to jump and save Carmilla, Danny pins her too her chair. Making a plea to Danny’s better side that has Danny actually pausing, the moment is ruined by swarmy Theo telling Danny not to get swayed by her ‘lady feelings’. So Danny hits him in the face with the book and it’s the most satisfying thing.
With Carmilla in pain on the floor and unable to do anything, the Dean steps forward to give Laura her death speech.
But this is Laura Hollis.
She literally bites Danny’s hand, escapes her grip, knees Theo in the jewels, gets the book, punches Danny in the face, and smacks the Dean upside the jaw. Points for krav maga class and the spunky human.
Laura Hollis. Savior of humanity.
Then the Dean trips her as she’s making her escape and Laura nearly face plants into the desk.
Sigh. We were so close.
Going right back to her evil death monologue as she rubs her jaw from Laura’s hit, the Dean reminds her that this isn’t a story about a girl believing in people and changing the world. She advances on Laura as Carmilla is forced to watch in horror, echoes of season 2 splashing over the scene.
She tells Laura to say goodbye as Carmilla shouts “Laura!”
The Dean lunges.
Danny and Theo look around the room, as confused as the viewers, but the Dean gets the most annoyed look we’ve seen yet and just says, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” She clenches her fists, trying to remain calm.
We cut to a much darker library and suddenly Laura is on the screen. This library is far from the one we just left. It’s darker than we’ve ever seen it, the furniture is covered in sheets, the books and pictures are in disarray, and there are cobwebs everywhere.
Laura, now in a blue shirt instead of the red she started in, looks around and says what we’re all thinking.
“What the what?”
And that’s Act II, cupcakes. Plenty of mystery. Plenty of action. Plenty of romance. We got fight scenes and captured Deans and a long awaited ‘I love you.’ With only one act remaining, we’re definitely in for something special to pull it all together as we see out the end of this amazing show.
Act III drops this Thursday, October 13, 2016 only on KindaTV.
Written by Aria Bauer